Why I Continue to Practice “Think before You Speak”

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”

                                                                                                            ---Mark Twain 

Have you heard the saying, “Sometimes, it’s best to count to ten before you speak?” 

I further say to those in the business of leading people or supervising employees: I highly recommend that you install a filtering device of “think before you speak” into your brain. If such a permanent implant were possible, I would wager that business leaders would realize major strides in how well others respond to them. 

If you think about it, as a best practice, this strategy cuts across human performance, company performance, customer performance and, basically, all performance areas of an organization. If we take just one simple statement, for instance, made in haste or without forethought; this one simple, regrettable statement can take you back-peddling, explaining and apologizing—to any number of groups—including employees, clients, vendors, stakeholders, peers, etc. 

Personally, I work very hard to praise others with whom I come in contact. I also strive to listen two-thirds of the time, and, at the most, speak one-third of the time. Experience has shown me that it works better when I listen more than I talk. Listening also helps me become better aware of what might be coming. 

If you’re someone who is working to overcome the tendency to speak before thinking, I’ll share one of my secrets. I wish that I would have grasped sooner the awareness that everyone processes communication differently. Because of this, I find that it’s very helpful to take the time to know and better understand my audience. When those opportunities are not present, however, those are the times that I doubly apply the above-mentioned filtering device. 

This approach is also somewhat self-serving, because I find that it saves valuable time and energy for us busy managers. As you may know, recovering from damaging communications can end up costing a lot in terms of redundancies and unproductive time. When we’re operating in damage-control mode, we also end up working overtime to rebuild the trust, cooperation and credibility that we lost in the process. 

What do I do in order to practice this concept of thinking before I speak? Here are a few practical tips that you might find helpful: 

1. Practice, practice, practice. Think about delivery and how you are processing it. How do you apply the filter within your communication skills?
2. Perform a self appraisal. Put the mirror in front of you, so to speak, and ask yourself, “Do I really think that conversation went as well as it could have?” No one is perfect, and no one should expect perfection of someone—and if you do, then that’s an entirely different topic to discuss. The point of self-appraisal, meanwhile, is to try and continuously improve and tweak that ‘filter’ a bit.
3. Avoid using “You should do this,” and “You should do that,” type of statements when preparing to speak with someone. When this happens, it’s as though you are pointing a finger at someone and telling that person what he/she needs to do. It’s very autocratic and dictatorial, and that is how those statements are interpreted. That type of tone is rarely well received.
4. Use “I” statements as much as possible. I believe this is a critical point and technique to use, especially when managing and coaching employees and, likewise, you can find it valuable just in general communication with others. A manager’s delivery is normally more effective when he/she says, “Here is what I have experienced in the past,” or “This is how I would approach this situation.” This approach helps you turn it around on yourself, and allows you to reference your experiences to communicate and influence the direction you want others to go. 

As a closing note, I have always found it worthwhile to remember my goals in management, and how developing and tweaking my communication skills with others should work in concert with those goals. Thinking before I speak rarely fails me when I am striving to develop and maintain solid business relationships.

I say to those in the business of leading people or supervising employees: I highly recommend that you install a filtering device of “think before you speak” into your brain.